Mind Over Matter: the Main Ingredient in Beauty (and a New Release)

by Kassandra Lamb ~ I had planned a different blog post for today, but then I stumbled over this 2014 post. I wrote it originally for a Blog Fest called The Beauty of a Woman. In it, I explore what truly makes a woman beautiful and what is the main ingredient in beauty.

So, on Valentine’s Day, when we’re likely to be getting gussied up to look good for our significant others, I figured it was a great time to share this with you all. Also, it’s a good reminder for me, as I’m letting my natural gray hair show though now. I’ve always thought of my hair as my best feature.

And it is my best outer feature, but it’s not the main ingredient in beauty. So here’s the original post, with only a few updates.

What is the main ingredient in beauty?
photo by Marvin Bellendorf on Unsplash.com

Beauty: a Matter of Mind Over Matter

What is the main ingredient that makes a woman beautiful? Good genes that bless her with smooth skin, good teeth and glossy hair?

Well, those certainly don’t hurt. But in my experience, they’re not the main ingredient in beauty.

Whiteners, expensive make-up and hair products to create dazzling teeth, glowing skin and glossy hair?

Not really, in my humble opinion. All those attributes are fine and dandy, but I contend that a woman without them can still be beautiful, if she has the main ingredient in beauty.

the main ingredient in beauty
My 8th grade school picture (told ya I looked dorky)

So what is this main ingredient?

It’s confidence!

When I was a young teenager, I was a mess—dorky-looking and totally insecure. Not a day went by in junior high school (changing its name to middle school did not change the fact that it is the purgatory of the earth plane, IMHO) that I wasn’t teased by one of the mean girls, or sometimes by one of the guys, most often about my appearance. “Pimple face” and “ironing board” (I was flat-chested) are the taunts that stand out in my memory.

During the summer between junior high and high school, my mother sat me down and gave me a fake-it-til-ya-make-it pep talk. She asked me if I thought a friend of hers (we’ll call her Mrs. H) was attractive. Now what fourteen-year-old gives a moment’s thought to her mother’s friends’ appearance?

I just shrugged. My mother pointed out just how homely Mrs. H was. Now that Mom was mentioning it, I realized that the woman did kind of resemble those drawings of witches you see at Halloween. Mom went on and on, detailing all the flaws in Mrs. H’s appearance.

I was wondering what evil spirit had taken over my mother’s body, when she pointed out that Mrs. H was married to one of the handsomest men in their circle of friends. I had to admit that Mr. H wasn’t bad looking, for an old guy (he was about 40). Then Mom said that when Mrs. H walked into a room, every man and most of the women would turn to greet her with a big smile.

“Why is that?” Mom asked. Another shrug from me.

Because Mrs. H carried herself with confidence and was always smiling and friendly was my mother’s answer. “Kass, you’ve got the smiling and friendly down. They’re part of your natural personality. Now all you need is the confidence.”

That’s when she told me to “fake it ’til you make it.”

Well, it took several years of faking it, but gradually I did become more confident. Then in college, I got some counseling to dig most of my remaining insecurities out by the roots.

I’m still not the best-looking gal in any crowd, but I don’t worry much about what I look like. Oh, I’m not saying I don’t do the best I can with what the good Lord gave me. I do.

the main ingredient in beauty

But once I’ve put on my makeup and fixed my hair (still my best feature, even now with a lot of gray in it), I walk out the door and don’t give my appearance another thought.

I’ll bet if you asked my friends whether or not I’m pretty, they’d shrug, like I did when my mom asked about Mrs. H. And then they’d say, “Oh, she looks fine. She’s so______.” (Fill in the blank with friendly, nice, smart, vivacious…)

Quite frankly, I’d rather people remember me for being smart or nice than for being pretty!

And the best part about relying on a healthy dose of confidence as the main ingredient in beauty—you can relax and just be yourself.

Have you ever known anyone who was naturally beautiful and yet so lacking in self-confidence that it marred their appearance? How about someone who was quite average but could light up a room with their confident smile?

And here’s our new release, Book #6 in Kirsten Weiss’s Tea and Tarot Mysteries!

The Sword in the Scone, A Tea and Tarot Mystery, #6

Tea and Tarot. Love and Mystery.

A Tarot conference at a holistic resort seems the perfect place for Tea and Tarot partners Hyperion and Abigail to promote their business and enjoy some beachside luxury. But murder cuts their R&R short. And when the evidence points to Abigail’s devilishly appealing neighbor, Brik, and an unsolved murder connected to his past, these amateur detectives are on the case.

Years ago, Brik’s girlfriend died at the hands of an unknown stalker. He lost everything: his love, his job, his home. Now, he’s convinced history is repeating itself. He’s tried to keep Abigail in the friend-zone, but he fears another woman he cares about just may be the next victim.

As the investigation heats up, Brik and Abigail are determined to keep each other at arm’s length. But as they cross swords with the killer, their feelings become harder to resist. If these two don’t learn to trust each other, their chance at love might be cut short. Permanently.

The Sword in the Scone is a fast-paced and funny cozy mystery, packed with oddball characters, Tarot, and murder. Tearoom recipes in the back of the book!


Posted by Kassandra Lamb. Kassandra is a retired psychotherapist turned mystery writer. She is the author of the Kate Huntington psychological mysteries, set in her native Maryland, the Marcia Banks and Buddy cozy mysteries, set in Central Florida, and the C.o.P. on the Scene police procedurals, set in northern Florida. She also writes romantic suspense under the pen name of Jessica Dale.

Misterio press produces an array of quality crime fiction. We post here twice a month, usually on Tuesdays, to alert you to new releases, to entertain, and to inform.

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