by Kassandra Lamb
Say what? Anxiety is a good thing?!? It can be, up to a point.
This past weekend, I did my first public reading from one of my books. (Yes, I’ve been at this writing/publishing gig for 7+ years, but until recently my marketing has mainly been online.)
In the days leading up to the reading, I was terrified.
I’ve done plenty of presenting in my time, at professional conferences when I was a psychotherapist and in front of a college classroom for 17 years. I enjoy presenting/teaching, and normally I’m only mildly to moderately anxious beforehand.
And that is when anxiety is a good thing. On a practical level, it motivates me to be well prepared, to put in the work to make sure I’m ready. Because I know from experience that confidence is key to keeping the anxiety under control.
And emotionally, at the time of the presentation mild to moderate anxiety makes my brain sharper, and it stimulates me, animates my personality. When that happens, I am an enthusiastic speaker and the audience responds well. I can even get up the nerve to try to be funny, and sometimes I’m actually successful. 😀
Quite a bit of research has been done on the “optimal level of arousal” that will enhance one’s ability to accomplish tasks. I have mastered that optimal level when it comes to presenting.
But somehow “performing” my own creative work… it falls into a different category.
Anxiety is defined as distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune; a state of apprehension and psychic tension. If that “apprehension” is too intense, it can keep us awake at night, make us stutter, blush, freeze up or otherwise embarrass ourselves in certain situations.
For me, “performing” is such a situation. And anticipating performing tends to move me from helpful arousal to unhelpful distress to disabling ruminating and worry pretty darn fast.
Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.*(*This quote has been attributed to Erma Bombeck and at least a dozen other people. But whoever said it first, they nailed it!)
The first time I “performed,” it was in a second-grade play. I was George Washington’s wife. I don’t remember much past walking through the classroom door in my Martha Washington costume. But I do remember laughter.
It wasn’t supposed to be a funny skit.
In high school, I tried out for several plays with the drama department. I never got a part. The stumbling and blushing might have had something to do with that.
Ever since, I’ve frozen up whenever I was required to “perform.” And yet I can “present.” The latter is more about sharing my expertise. I have much more confidence in that expertise than I do in my performing ability.
So here I was last week, facing this reading.
I’ve been to some where the author just “read.” And that’s okay. I’d originally intended to do that. But as I went through my first practice round, my words sounded so flat. I decided I didn’t want to just read. I wanted to show emotions through inflection, produce the required deeper timbre for male voices, use accents when called for, etc.
In other words, perform. Aaack!!
The day before the reading, I was way past my optimal level of arousal. I needed to do a little emergency therapy on myself.
I asked myself what helped me control the anxiety when I was presenting, and realized there were four things I now automatically do before a presentation:
1. Acknowledge the anxiety.
I don’t try to stuff it down or ignore it. That doesn’t make it go away. If anything, it gives it more energy. For “presenting” nerves, a short pep talk is usually sufficient, along the lines of—Of course you’re nervous. That’s a good thing. It will keep you on your toes.
For “performing” nerves, I needed to go a little farther. I told a few people close to me how scared I was. It wasn’t to get their reassurance (although they were, of course, reassuring); it was to acknowledge the anxiety and bleed off some of its charge.
2. Draw confidence from past successes.
I remind myself that I have done many presentations before, and I have always done a decent to downright great job.
Also, I remind myself that the anxiety always goes down once I get started. That’s a biggie!
This time, I had to add to this pep talk that presenting was not as different from performing as I have made it out to be. And the book I was reading from has lots of good reviews. The words were proven to be good, and my ability to “present” them has been proven to be good. So I would be fine. (In psychology lingo, that’s called a reframe. 🙂 )
3. Practice but not over practice.
I’ve learned that two to three complete run-throughs, out loud, is about right for a presentation. Enough practice to smooth out the rough spots and give me confidence. Not so much that the presentation becomes stale.
The second time through my reading practice, the inflections were mostly in the wrong places, my male voice sounded like I had a bad cold, and my Southern accent…well, let’s just say I don’t do accents well.
By the third time, I had the inflections in the right places, my male voice was pretty good, and my accents didn’t totally suck. I did one more run-through, for good measure, and felt a good bit more confident when all of the above still happened.
4. Remind myself that I do not have to be perfect.
And in this case, remind the audience as well. I added these words to my introductory remarks: Now before I start, I’d like to put this caveat out there—I don’t do accents well.
Ahhh, the pressure was off. Now if my accents were sucky, well, I’d said up front that I wasn’t perfect.
And the reality is that most people in an audience aren’t expecting perfection. Indeed, they may find it endearing when we make the occasional mistake. It’s makes us more human and relatable. In this case, my audience knew that I’m a writer, not an actor. They weren’t expecting perfection and I shouldn’t either.
So the moment arrives…
I’ve been introduced, and I give my little opening spiel (no problem, this is presenting after all). I’m borderline, maybe just past my optimal level of anxiety. Okay, definitely past optimal, but still manageable.
I start to read. And thank you Lord, my anxiety level goes down. (Did I mention praying? That always helps too.)
It was still higher than usual, but definitely quite manageable.
So I make it to the question-and-answer period and I’m downright exhilarated. It’s over! I can do Q&A standing on my head (which would make it more interesting, for sure).
And now that I have a successful reading under my belt, I can look back on that the next time and use it to bolster my confidence, to get my nervousness down to the level where anxiety is a good thing!
How about you? Have you discovered your “optimal level of arousal” for most things? What situations tend to push your anxiety over the top?
Posted by Kassandra Lamb. Kassandra is a retired psychotherapist turned mystery writer. She is the author of the Kate Huntington psychological mysteries, set in her native Maryland, and a new series, the Marcia Banks and Buddy cozy mysteries, set in Central Florida.
We blog here at misterio press about twice a month, usually on Tuesdays. Sometimes we talk about serious topics, and sometimes we just have some fun.
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Shannon EspositoMarch 5, 2019 at 11:02 am
Yah! I’m so glad this went well, congrats! I didn’t realize you were so anxious about the reading. My problem with public speaking is my body betrays me. As a person who blushes when someone looks at me, that’s a given but I also get hives and lose my voice from the stress. I’ve just decided I’m not a public speaker, so thank God for online marketing.
Kassandra LambMarch 5, 2019 at 12:28 pm
Oh my! Hives and losing your voice are definite deterrents! This is when anxiety is a bad thing, when our bodies are already tuned biologically toward anxiety and then we are in an anxious situation. Bad combo!
And yes thank God for online marketing. The digital age has made life so much easier for authors!
Vinnie HansenMarch 5, 2019 at 8:37 pm
Congrats on your first reading, Kassandra! I’ve been to many, many author events, and just want to mention that some authors don’t read at all. However, they tend to be writers with a gift for gab, something I definitely don’t have. I always intersperse a couple of short readings in my presentation. Like Shannon, my body betrays me–not with blushing and hives, but with shaking. However, I’ve learned a lot of tricks over the years. And, like you, I know once I get started that the performance anxiety will decrease. At this point, I think I’ve become an excellent reader. Not that that quells the shakes!
Kassandra LambMarch 6, 2019 at 1:09 am
I’m looking forward to reaching your level of expertise with readings, Vinnie! Since I do have the gift for gab and usually do well presenting, I was more than a little taken by surprise by this case of nerves. Glad it’s behind me.
KirstenMarch 5, 2019 at 10:30 pm
Congratulations! The first reading is always the most nerve wracking.
Kassandra LambMarch 6, 2019 at 1:06 am
I hope so. I was a basketcase!
When Anxiety Is a Bad Thing, Part I - Misterio PressApril 23, 2019 at 1:08 am
[…] month, I posted about how a controllable amount of anxiety can be a good thing when performing. It can keep us on our toes and animate our performance. But what happens when […]