Are You a “Bah, Humbug” Person?

I hate to say it since I love the holiday myself, but Christmas is not for everyone. Some people just barely tolerate it, some flat out hate it and some find it incredibly depressing. And the fact that everybody else is so gleefully looking forward to it just makes their lack of pleasure in it that much more pronounced.

Is blue your favorite color for Christmas lights?

If you dislike Christmas, or know someone who does, here are some tips for handling the Christmas Blues.

#1: Stop feeling bad about not liking Christmas. And especially stop feeling bad about yourself for feeling that way. First of all, you can’t control how you feel, only how you act (I know I do harp on this idea, but it’s true!)

Secondly, I am quite sure you came by your negative feelings about Christmas quite honestly. Perhaps you’re not as fond of Christmas as you once were because the people you once shared it with are gone. Even though I still love Christmas, I don’t get nearly as excited about it as I once did. It’s never been quite the same since my mother died. I didn’t realize how much her enthusiasm was the driving force behind everyone else’s pleasure, not until after she was gone. I’ve had to adjust to the new normal for the holidays, now that I am the matriarch of the family. *shudder*

Or perhaps there are unpleasant associations to it because of experiences from your past. You are not alone. There’s a reason why “A Dysfunctional Family Christmas” is one of Saturday Night Live’s all-time favorite skits.

#2: Establish new holiday traditions that feel right for you and your family.

This really helped a friend of mine overcome his bah, humbug reaction to Christmas. He grew up with an alcoholic and abusive father. The holidays were just an opportunity and excuse for his father to get more drunk, more often. This tainted the traditions of Christmas since Dad was already sucking down beers over the stockings’ exchange in the morning, and by the time the turkey was served, he was beyond belligerent.

When his children were young, my friend and his wife lived in the country, with several cut-your-own tree farms nearby. They started a new tradition that the family would go together on the weekend before Christmas to pick out a tree. It became quite a ritual. The kids would spend an hour or more running around, trying to decide on just the right tree. Once it was cut down and paid for, while the tree farm staff tied it to the roof of their car, they would huddle around drinking hot cider and trying to decide if this year’s tree was better than last year’s.

Now the decorated tree didn’t remind him of his parents’ fighting anymore. It reminded him of the fun his own family had picking this tree out.

If you don’t have a family and/or it’s impractical to be with family who live far away, this may very well be why you aren’t all that into the holiday. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, you are being bombarded with images of happy families celebrating, while you’re looking forward to a lonely day.

#3: One approach can be to think of the Christmas holiday as just another day or two off from work, like Memorial Day weekend or Veterans’ Day. Breathe a sigh of relief that you have the time off and do what you would with any other day off. Lay around the house in your jammies and read a good book, or even catch up on household chores or gardening.

#4: Travel. If you’re part of a couple but neither of you feel strongly about Christmas with your extended families, give each other a nice vacation, like a four-day cruise (or longer if you can afford it) to the Bahamas. If you’re single, find a friend or acquaintance in the same boat (no pun intended) and take that cruise, or go skiing in Colorado for a long weekend.

#5: An old standby is to volunteer at a senior center or soup kitchen serving Christmas dinner to those less fortunate. This can provide a sense of camaraderie and belonging with your fellow volunteers as well as a sense of satisfaction in the altruistic task.

#6: If dealing with extended family is what makes Christmas so hard, you can do one of several things. One option, if you’re not up for the family wigging out if you don’t show up, is to officially declare either Christmas Eve, or maybe the weekend before or after Christmas as your Christmas.

Then Christmas Day itself becomes just another obligatory visit with the annoying relatives. (You may notice that nowhere in the Bible is the date of Christ’s birth mentioned. Biblical scholars don’t believe Jesus was actually born on December 25th; this date was chosen by the early Church of Rome because it was a pagan holiday they were trying to supplant.)

If you’re single, perhaps you have a circle of friends with whom you are closer than you are with your family? Then make them your ‘family of choice’ to celebrate the holiday with. Again, you may want to do this on a different day, so everybody can appease their biological families by showing up for turkey. But in your mind, make the day you gather with friends your “real” Christmas.

#7: Keep in mind that it’s one lousy day out of the year and this too shall pass! Again, it’s okay to not like Christmas.

Are you a bah, humbugger or do you love Christmas? Do you know someone who struggles with depression or loneliness over the holidays?

(Posted by Kassandra Lamb. Kassandra is a retired psychotherapist turned mystery writer. She is the author of the Kate Huntington Mystery series.)

Our blog will be on semi-hiatus over the holidays. We will have a couple light posts on Christmas traditions in some interesting and warm places, so our readers can do some vicarious traveling. Posts on more serious topics will resume mid-January.

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  • Reply
    Kim Terry
    December 18, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Kassandra, I’ve been on both ends of Christmas: the magical and the Scroogical. (Did I just coin a new word !) My parents made Christmas magical for both my sons and me. Now that they’re gone and my children and grandchildren live so far away, I would probably not have any Christmas if it weren’t for my sweetie who shies away from the materialistic aspect of the holiday.
    This post really hit home!

    • Reply
      Kassandra Lamb
      December 19, 2012 at 1:23 am

      Scroogical! I love it. Next year’s post will be “Are You Feeling Scroogical?”

      I know what you mean, Kim, about having the kids and grandkids so far away. We go to visit them over Christmas, but I miss hosting the holiday at my house, which I did for years. It hardly seems worth it to decorate. And it’s definitely not as magical as when my mother was alive. I know life is about change but sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock a bit.

  • Reply
    Catie Rhodes
    December 19, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    I am bah-humbugger. It’s such a hectic time of year. It took me a long time to learn that I choose to let the season make my life hectic. And that, as you so wisely pointed out, it’s okay not to love Christmas.

  • Reply
    Rhonda Hopkins
    December 19, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    These are great suggestions, Kassandra. Thanks for posting them. I’m sure they’ll help a lot of people. In the meantime, I hope you have a very happy holiday season. 🙂

  • Reply
    Kassandra Lamb
    December 22, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Hi Catie and Rhonda, I’m a little slow on the uptake here because we were on the road to our Maryland house. I’m glad you found the post helpful. It took me a heck of a long time to learn that “I choose to let it be hectic” piece too, Catie. Hope you both have a good (and relaxing) holiday.

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