by Kassandra Lamb
Here’s your fun and/or interesting thing for our “off” week here at the misterio press blog. One of my fave people and one of the funniest women alive, IMHO, has written a humor book: Life Begins When The Kids Leave Home And The Dog Dies.
Being a dog lover (and I knew she’s one too) I wasn’t too sure about the last part of the title, but she reassured me that it is from an old joke:
A priest, a minister and a rabbi were talking about when life begins. The priest said: “Life begins at conception.” The minister said: “Life begins when the fetus is viable.” The rabbi said: “Life begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies.”
Here is my review of her book, and below is an excerpt:
This book needs to come with a humor warning! “Caution: Do Not Eat Or Drink While Reading This Book! You will spew food or liquid everywhere when you laugh out loud.”
Barb Taub is the new Erma Bombeck in my opinion. I’ve followed her blog for a long time and she never ceases to make me smile. This book is a collection of her columns for publications and blog posts from over the years. Every chapter will have you laughing at Barb’s unique take on life.
Excerpt from Chapter 13: How To Embarrass Your Child
I went to a socially-impaired university. It was a time of revolution and experimentation with sex, drugs, music among kids: in other words, it was just like today. But the University of Chicago’s claim to “The Life of the Mind” reassured parents. Fathers of teenage daughters thought the mind was a lot safer place to live than where they remembered spending their college years, “The Life of the Party”.
We had friends from other colleges who had social lives and arrest records, so we knew what we were missing. And it wasn’t as though we didn’t try. We’d stay up all night or even close out the college’s only bar, Jimmy’s, discussing the eternal questions:
- Is there a God?
- How do you get rid of roaches?
- Who’s got the $10 for the muggers on the way home?
- How can I make the world more fair?
- Why am I here?
I was lucky. I didn’t get mugged (that often); the stitches didn’t scar (much); I did graduate (eventually). And, after all these years, I’ve answered all the questions:
- There is a God and She has a sense of humor. It’s the only possible explanation for Chicago politics and for two-year-olds.
- The only way to get rid of roaches is to move out. Or get a divorce.
- You still need $10 for the trip home because the child who has refused to eat for the whole trip will announce that she is going to die from hunger if you don’t stop at Chez Mac’s.
- I don’t care if it’s not fair: I’m the mother and I say so.
- I am here to embarrass and torture my children.
Amateur parents may be concerned about this last requirement. How could you ever embarrass your children? Don’t worry. Not only will you discover just how much fun it is to mess with their little heads, but you won’t have to actually do a thing to achieve it. As soon as your child turns ten, there will be a few things about you which they will find embarrassing, such as your car, your appearance, your clothes, your habit of speaking to them in public, your very existence…
And here’s Barb’s bio:
In halcyon days BC (before children), Barb Taub wrote a humor column for several Midwest newspapers. With the arrival of Child #4, she veered toward the dark side (an HR career). Following a daring daytime escape to England, she’s lived in a medieval castle, a hobbit house, and on a Scottish isle with her prince-of-a-guy and the World’s Most Spoiled Aussie Dog. Considering all her days are now Saturdays, Barb is amazed that this is her sixth book.
Tune in next week for my thoughts on Valentine’s Day!
We blog here at misterio press about twice a month, usually on Tuesdays. Sometimes we talk about serious topics, and sometimes we just have some fun.
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